My Mom

Zirix Starstrider

Category: Diamond+ Deck

Archetype: Tempo

Spirit: 10170

Patch: 1.96

Author: Ryousen

Submitted: 2019.03.30

Lady Locke
Portal Guardian
Inquisitor Kron

Shes an annoying tempo deck please help me. wait dont actually its not that big a deal

Im Ryousen. You may know me for being a cute deckbuilder. Cute as in totally retarded. This deck is not retarded though, its okay. It has a board. I mean, its the normalest shit ive made probably

lacdy locke is cool, 3/3 provoke maw + 3/3p iron dervish is nice, but like, its merely filler, i return to the kripkean critique of physicalism, and say, how is this a locke deck, if you mostly win with portal guardian and kron

Lets take a look at it rationally. I know how to eat, and she has endless opportunities to observe the world and come to that very conclusion. Yet she keeps offering me food, despite my attempts to stop it, and constant refusal. Something is afoot in the lurkings of the backmind, compelling her to continue a fruitless detractive behavior.

For the curious, my thereapist’s hypothesis was that, beyond food, she seeks the extra contact, for I am already too disconnected from her. Its as if we would barely speak, and food is what currently bridges us. And it makes sense to me, but its truth value doesnt matter to the deck. The inspiration was that it was annoying and had something more going on.

The ultimate annoying keyword is Provoke. I think theres not a single card ive been hating more than Silverguard Knight. Of course, you’ll never in your lifetime see me make a lyonar list, so Im not building that. Besides, it is just the thing itself, and has no more. Unlike Lady Locke- She’s the perfect mom representative. A 2/3 small problem, which, through provoke, must be dealt with, just like I must deal with mom whenever she materializes. And the extra? Is that there is the deal of connection. Its all too outreaching, you would think a “no” would suffice to solve the problem, but its not, SHE KEEPS INSISTING. So locke is perfect because its not just her, its also a 3/4 provoke with Primus, or a 3/3 provoke with Maw or BBS. These things dont win games in themselves, admittedly, but they sure are inconvenient as shit. This is the inconvenient deck.

And Kron too fits the theme- Who would say Fireblazer, a 5 mana 5/5 provoke, is very good? The annoyance of Kron is that, reeeeeeeeeally, its not the 4/5 provoke, its that its a 4/5 + a 2/2. You cant easily answer them both, you gotta mana one and trade into the 2/2. If it were a Fireblazer it would just be answered cleanly.

The other heart of the deck is, tangentially, abstractly related to the matter at hand, Portal Guardian is a small durable problem snowballing into something unbearable, just like my entire family everything.

Noticing now, there’s a lot of AoE and surprise biting in this deck, be it provoke or frenzy. Bone Swarm. It is cOiNcIdEnTaLlY related to how the brothers in my house are much more united when mom is not around- off traveling. Not out of some need of teamwork for food, rather, that she creates such an ambient as to separate us.

In this sense, I guess, I failed to accurately include it all, cause this is a totes Lost in the Desert thing.

Someone put it in.

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